| Wide open windows |
[Jul. 27th, 2008|01:05 pm] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  nervous | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Coheed & Cambria::Neverender | ] |
My orientation is the day after tomorrow.
Wake up at 6:00AM. Leave the house at 7:00AM. Bus leaves at 8:30AM. I have to be there at 10:00AM.
Ethan made me feel better yesterday. I'm glad it happened. I am hungry. |
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| Orientation is on Tuesday. |
[Jul. 26th, 2008|01:59 pm] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Muki::Yalda Sucar | ] |
I have a new old friend. He is good to me. I know that I can talk to him and get this off my chest. I know that I can lay with him and watch a movie and eat oranges. I know that I can get away for a little while with him, even if it's not really away. I can relax with him, and that is good. I regret that I left him, and I regret that I lied to him. I don't know what's going to happen in the future.
Both of my friends are safe. I feel like a different person. Exhausted, lethargic, and unhappy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2008|02:27 am] |
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Wake up. Your life has just significantly, and severely, changed. This is to you, Margot. Wake up. |
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| I hope I never figure out who broke your heart. |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|12:00 pm] |
| [ | Expression |
| | nervous | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Tegan & Sara::Living Room | ] |
I read something about some girl who did it for the first time at 15. She said that it opened the door to hell. I think I'll pass on that door, but it feels like a tide pulling in at a 6:00PM, tripping on acid on Coney Island Beach. Thank goodness I know how to swim, and I know how to swim well enough to get me out of the water. I'm still fighting with myself, trying to figure out if I want to do it. Where is my money going? I could buy an Ipod, or a pair of Birkenstocks. Instead, I go and buy another gram. I don't know. Fuck it.
The ships are multiplying day after day sir,
And theyre coming close to the shore sir,
We need to evacuate the light post.
What's gonna happen today, really? |
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| Cheap eats |
[Jul. 22nd, 2008|06:55 pm] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Modest Mouse::Ohio | ] |
Every day that passes is a worse situation with my mother. It's only one month. |
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| We should record this and put it on a CD |
[Jul. 22nd, 2008|01:49 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Of Montreal::Sink the Seine | ] |
I keep having great days. These past several days have just been absolutely fantastic. Chilling with mad people, hanging out in different places, bringing different groups of friends together. This summer is exactly what I had in mind for myself. Chilling, being free, being young, being crazy, experiencing, living. I love it, I really do.
Nothing is going to go wrong. I have one month and I don't even care.
Also, Sirenfest rocked. I can finally cross off "See Broken Social Scene live" from the list of things I definitely need to do in life. |
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| You already know what it is! |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|01:31 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  sleepy | ] |
Ben Shweky is back. :D
August is going to be wild, but hopefully much less wild than July. July was nuts. |
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| I am sick of losing weight. |
[Jul. 19th, 2008|11:14 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | The Good Listeners::Inner Mother | ] |
Move into dorm: 32 days.
How much is my life going to change? I wonder, will everything be different? How will I change? How will the environment influence who I am going to become? There is still all of August, waiting for me to experience it. All of August to make friends, and experiences, and money to be spent on silly things like sushi and light.
Trouble.
Today is Sirenfest and Vanessa is getting her nose pierced. Cute. I need to get this piercing already. I can wait. I'll wait.
I am patient and impatient. August is coming towards me. |
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| Steely Dan |
[Jul. 18th, 2008|02:53 pm] |
| [ | Expression |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Steely Dan::Hey Nineteen | ] |
My birthday was awesome.
Tripped acid with Ethan and Vanessa, went to see The Dark Knight at midnight, which was SO UNBELIEVABLY BADASS! It was absolutely nuts. The movie was fantastic, and life was good. Peace, youth.
There's only about a month left. I can't believe that it has come down to this. |
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| I drag it out for too long. |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|10:52 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| | nervous | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | In Houston::Tapes 'N Tapes | ] |
I need to buy a mouse for my laptop, and Gathering of the Vibes is mad soon. August 1st-3rd. I would like to go, but am unsure if I can since the last day of orientation is the 31st, and that's when everyone is leaving. Who knows? Maybe I will go. Maybe I won't. Either is fine, I'm sure.
Life is good. Life is full of shit that no-one should be doing, that everyone should be doing. It's still morning, and I have to make a lot of phone calls today. I hate that. I am nervous, hopeful, and excited. These next two weeks, I will have to prove myself. Hopefully, I can make it. July 29th, here I come. |
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| Break through! |
[Jul. 15th, 2008|01:01 pm] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Radiohead::True Love Waits | ] |
Today is going to be silly. I don't think I want today to happen. I have so many things that I need to do today, so many places I need to go to, and I don't have a metrocard for any of them. I think I should walk, but it's so terribly far. I'd like to skip over today and tomorrow, and go straight to Thursday. Thursday, friends, and LSD. Life and love and patience. I smoke a bowl and pour a cup of tea. My mother is never around anymore. I barely see her.
I just got a new laptop: Dell Inspiron 1526. It is beautiful and I appreciate it. I am going to download Spore on it right away.
Anyway, "Free Speech is the right to yell 'Theater!' in a crowded fire."
-Abbie Hoffman |
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| This is ourselves under pressure |
[Jul. 14th, 2008|11:20 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Queen & Bowie::Under Pressure | ] |
Eleven.
I can't do eleven. I'm gonna do three. I don't want him to do five because he will definitely vomit. I just want us all to be on the same page, really. Even if it is happening inside, it doesn't matter. I would be happy sitting on the couch, chilling with my thoughts, and possibly a sketchbook. Definitely a sketchbook. |
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| I saw that little judge commence to look about |
[Jul. 13th, 2008|09:38 am] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Johnny Cash::Cocaine Blues | ] |
Oh, Jesus.
I really do surprise myself. It's amazing how much toil and poison one person's body can ingest and live through. Every time I see the morning in this comedown state, I want to thank the heavens that I am seeing the morning. |
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| The perfect time for me to quit drinking, it's like a sign. |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|10:39 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| | refreshed | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Explosions in the Sky::It's Natural to Be Afraid | ] |
In Tokyo in the Meiji era there lived two prominent teachers of opposite characteristics. One, Unsho, an instructor in Shingon, kept Buddha's precepts scrupulously. He never drank intoxicants, nor did he eat after eleven o'clock in the morning. The other teacher, Tanzan, a professor of philosophy at the Imperial University, never observed the precepts. Whenever he felt like eating, he ate, and when he felt like sleeping in the daytime he slept.
One day Unsho visited Tanzan, who was drinking wine at the time, not even a drop of which is suppposed to touch the tongue of a Buddhist.
"Hello, brother," Tanzan greeted him. "Won't you have a drink?"
"I never drink!" exclaimed Unsho solemnly.
"One who does not drink is not even human," said Tanzan.
"Do you mean to call me inhuman just because I do not indulge in intoxicating liquids!" exclaimed Unsho in anger. "Then if I am not human, what am I?"
"A Buddha," answered Tanzan.
In New Paltz I'll try to expand on my Buddhism. I'd actually love to take a couple of classes, if they have any, on Eastern religions. I just meditated, and I feel as if when your hands are open, you are more open to receiving the world. |
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| Cold water bottles from the fridge are so nice. |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|12:58 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  energetic | ] |
Wired wired wired.
I am so unbearably wired all the time.
Wired wired.
Crazy business going on.
That was the best poem I will ever write. I wish there were more people online this late. It's actually not even that late at all. There's just no-one online. I hate when that happens. Whatever.
My heart is beating. I can feel it. I can feel it there, in it's place. Just beating. Pumping my blood, beating beating beating. What a cool organ. I feel like I have so much to write about, but it's not being put down. I can't get my thoughts organized, I have so much on my mind. Oh my gosh. Kevin was crazy to split that whole thing with me. I'm glad he did though. It was just a lot. The thing is, that in reality, it wasn't a lot at all. It just seemed like...wow.
I'm everywhere.
I feel like today was the shortest day ever, but I did so much so it was kind of slow because I was able to fit in all of that stuff. Tomorrow/today is Thursday already. Time is just whizzing by like a cheetah. Simile!
Too much. |
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| My feet are constantly dirty from climbing up hills |
[Jul. 7th, 2008|10:59 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  impatient | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Animal Collective::#1 | ] |
I didn't care much for that night, and now I don't care much for Kevin. I am surprised and angry. Therefore, I should let it go because things like that shouldn't matter. I don't want to think about it, and I don't want to replay it in my mind. I actually just can't believe it happened. The point is that sometimes people aren't what you think they are, even if it's hard to control themselves.
Simply and honestly, I hate being so impatient. I want to get to my dorm room already so I can start on this new adventure instead of being haunted by old ones. I want to get there so I can learn and grow and thrive with people who are new to me, who will become dear to me. I want to get out of this place which is making me rip my hair out, and I feel as if that has been the mantra of my life for the past three or four years. Live in order to get out. Live for 44 days. Why is this so necessary? Why can't I be content? Jesus.
Whatever.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would much rather you weren't doing.
--Terry Pratchett
On that note, I upped my gauge to a 4 today. However, it's really hard getting the rubber band on the other side. I know I'll be slaving over that for the next hour or so. |
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| Salvadore Dali loved magic mushrooms. |
[Jul. 4th, 2008|12:03 pm] |
| [ | Expression |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | The Microphones::I Felt Your Shape | ] |
The Mermaid
by T.S. Eliot
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
It's very very hot. Happy Independence Day. |
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| Inferno::Canto I |
[Jul. 3rd, 2008|10:55 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | Stereolab::Young Lungs | ] |
Yesterday Spencer said that I was the nicest person he knows. I had such a burst of happiness in that moment, I felt as if my heart grew an inch.
Orientation in 25 days and I still haven't found a job, Jesus.
Also, http://flashificator.com/1/BlueMoon/Buffet/Buffet.html
I'm going to buy a bathing suit today and in the meantime dropping something off for my friend. How is this going to work? Who knows really? |
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| Mozilla add-ons |
[Jul. 2nd, 2008|11:09 am] |
| [ | Expression |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | Ya hurd? |
| | No Doubt::Spiderwebs | ] |
I think we'll take a positive and active role in determining the direction technology goes in, not just sit on the beach and have machines serve us martinis.
-Marvin Minsky
I'm doing too many crazy things. My body is going to suffer very soon, and that scares me. I want to go clean for a while, at least a month to see how it goes. However, I've already made a date to candyflip next weekend. Therefore, I must wait until after that happens. Life is a crazy thing, and I like it. I just don't want to get caught up, which is where I'm headed. Therefore, I want to stop. Just for a little while. I can't believe I'm saying this, but whatever.
I'm starting to get a little uncomfortable with everything that's happening. I don't know why, but the feeling is definitely there. I'm getting uncomfortable.
Whatever, I just want to move into my dorm room already. Brianna is at orientation, and mine is a month away. I want to get this all over with so I can lie in my bed whenever I like and say whatever my mind desires. I hate lying.
"No pleasure is a bad thing in itself"
-EPICURUS, I feel ya'. |
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